Tattoo #7.

I finally got started on my newest tattoo for my miscarriage. It looks much better than what I had originally pictured.

I'm going back in about three weeks to get it completed and I can't wait.

Cakes

Cakes

I'm going to try to stay on top of these so I don't have such a cluster to post.

Random Update

It's so hot outside. Ridiculous heat. Luckily, I can temporarily offset dehydration with strawberry milkshakes. And lots of them! Strawberry is the new black. Not orange. Orange sucks. Sorry, orange.

My brain is frazzled. I haven't been able to focus on much lately. Currently, I'm trying to crochet a beaded shawl via crochetvolution, but it's tedious and beautiful and overwhelming. I have two different versions happening. One is regular yarn and another is a type of thread. Thread, while dainty, is painful on my fingers. No pictures of progress right now. It's not far enough along. Instead, a picture of the pumpkins.

My parents visited over the weekend. We ate at Olive Garden and Osaka, which means I'll be carrying that around in my thighs for the rest of the month. Worth it.

It's been a good month, aside from no-baby. Katie visited from Oregon and I gave her the bag of things-Jac-can't-wear for Spencer. Now I can walk in my walk-in closet. She's coming back in August, so hopefully we can get together again.

We finally went to see Jessie and Joey. The kids played in a yard with a sprinkler and chalk.

Today was a little rough on the kids. They had a joint doctor's appointment and had to get their fingers pricked. Both are completely healthy, no health issues, weight and height are right on track, etc.

Due Date

Today is my due date. It's raining, gray, dreary, like my mood. I marked my calendar "Baby Time!"

I can't believe how fast the months have gone by. My clothes never grew tighter, my belly never grew larger. I spent the last week wading in grief, torn between sadness and anger. I wondered if this one would've come in May.

I planted the marigolds, October's birth flower, a symbol of grief. The tiny pumpkin is still sitting in the flower pot. I don't want to throw it away just yet. It feels wrong. I decided to bind off the blanket I started and leave it as-is, small and unfinished, like my sweet baby I'll never know. All this time, I've had it in a box in the corner of my closet, out of site. The last time I had touched it was when I started bleeding. I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but it's my only tangible piece of my grief. 

Leah is Five!

My baby girl is FIVE. She has grown so smart and sassy and I love the little person she is becoming. She's almost finished with her first year of school and knows how to read just about anything (with a little help here and there). She is obsessed with Frozen (she has even memorized all the songs and sings them with such passion) loves purple things and sushi.

I attempted (and sort of failed at) an Individually Yours sugar cookie cake with what was supposed to be snowflakes, per her choice. She loved it, though.

Happy Birthday, my sweet girl.

ER

We were planning to bring the kids to Global Wildlife for their birthdays, but Zac has been in pain. After looking at symptoms, we figured maybe his gallbladder was swollen or he had a possible broken rib. I brought him to the ER to get an X-ray only to discover he has a bruised rib. The doctor gave him an injection in his hip to help with the pain and we were sent home.

On our way home, I spotted a hawk perched on a stump. Bizarre.

Yesterday, I brought the kids to meet Zac for lunch. We saw a sweet family of geese and a few turtles.

Jac is Eight!

I'm having a hard time believing my son is eight already. He's grown so much, knows so many things, and has his own opinions on everything. Right now, the obsessions are Pokemon and Minecraft and almost every video game with "E for Everyone" labeled on it. His favorite color has changed from red to blue and he loves math.

We aren't having a party this year, but are planning to do something special. I baked and decorated an "Individually Yours" cake at work for him per his request and he opened a few gifts from us. I'm very impressed how well the kids kept the gifts secret from each other.

Happy Birthday, my sweet boy.

Mother's Day 2014

For Mother's Day, Zac picked me out a variety of carnations, some chocolates from Godiva, and the kids drew and colored pictures. This month has been nice. Hot, but nice. We've been taking advantage of the sunny days with swimming and playgrounds.

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