Trip to Louisiana

Bud has started taking a bottle. Pumping milk isn't too bad, but it's incredibly awkward. I'm liking the freedom of not having to always be the one to feed him, but it's still weird not being the one doing it. We visited Mawmaw yesterday and she gave us some really cute baby clothes, as well as Zac's photo albums and scrap books from his childhood. Baby Zac was adorable! Jac looks more like my baby pictures, but I can see pieces of Zac in his face.

Update on things

I haven't written in a while, yet again. My days are starting to run together a bit. As far as life goes, Dad turned 70 a few weeks back. Karen and Kylie came to visit and meet Jac.

Zac has been working overnight at Walmart with Emily and Alex. He's taking GED prep classes and will take the actual GED test this weekend. I'm super proud of him. We also set the date for our wedding as October 13th. It's a Friday, too. We aren't planning anything big, just a tiny "gathering" of a few family and friends.

Jac is a little over three months old now. He's just so dreamy. He smiles at me and makes little spit bubbles.

Bud: Two Months

Bud is officially two months old today. I brought him to the doctor for a checkup and another round of vaccinations. He's 12.5 pounds and growth is on target. We went to the nutritionist to discuss when to introduce solids and she suggested four months old, which seems a bit early, but I'll try then and see if he's ready. I can continue breastfeeding, though I'm not sure how long I want to keep it up. Maybe until he gets teeth, then I'll switch him to bottles. So far, he can hold his head up and roll to his back. He likes being on his tummy and really wants to scoot around. I can't get enough of his toes. They are the cutest little toes I've ever seen.

Zac and I had an actual just-us date the other night. He took me to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. I don't think we've been on a date in over a year, so getting out of the house without the Bud was a treat, though it's so weird how much I missed him. Motherhood is weird.

Micro-Blog: Colic

Bud has been crying on a schedule for about a week now. Every night, around 11pm, he starts crying and it escalates to screaming. Inconsolable screaming. Zac will pace with him around the bedroom, I've rocked him, tried to nurse him, but the crying continues. His current pediatrician suggested Mylicon drops, but I haven't noticed a huge difference in behavior. He just spits it back up. Zac and I are trying to be patient and supportive, but the screaming is emotionally draining. We've started putting him in his carseat and driving around the neighborhood with the windows open. It helps a little, but I'm literally losing my hair over this new phase.

We managed to take a trip to Louisiana to see Mawmaw this month. She met the baby and got to snuggle him up. He's a great traveller. Not a peep the whole way (well, except about halfway in when he wanted milk).

Jac: one month

A whole month! Sweet J-bird is such a joy. I sometimes look at him and can't believe he's my baby. His hair is red right now, but it looks like it's getting lighter... maybe blonde? And his eyes look like they're staying blue. He makes little gurgle sounds and likes looking at my face. He likes being outside, too... he'll just sit quietly and look around or fall asleep.

Webcam Pictures

Wow, so it's been about a month since I wrote in here. Motherhood is busybusybusy. But, by "busy", I mean I've been breastfeeding and sleeping while trying to eat in between and haven't felt like doing much else. I'm soaking up the snuggles while Jac is so little and can't protest. I love waking up by him, his milky breath and little hand tucked up by my chin.

Everything is peachy so far regarding my dudes. I can't believe my baby-man is already a little over a month old. When Jac is a little older, I'm going to start working, hopefully part-time. We're planning on going to school next year, then looking for our own place.

Jac: 3 weeks

Baby boy is 3 weeks old. He's been super snuggly and likes being rocked. He still nurses well and sleeps a bunch. We're co-sleeping (which my parents don't agree with) and I love knowing he's right there. I'm still very tired most of the time, but it's getting better. 

Church, Bud 2 weeks

I haven't been to church in probably four years, maybe less, but it's been a while. Matt is a pastor at the church near my parents' house in Mississippi. There was a Memorial Day service, so Meredith made a few shirts with logos for people of the church and invited us to come. She even put the logo on a onesie for Jac. I haven't had much sleep, so while we were waiting in line to enter the fellowship hall for junk food, I turned pale and nearly fainted. A woman named Elthabye helped escort me to a seat so I could sit and recover. It's embarrassing how weak I am right now. I know it's the blood loss and the preecalmpsia, but sheesh. I'm ready to be back to normal.

Bud's umbilical cord stump came off today. Gross. I was changing his diaper, but since he's so tiny, the newborn diapers are too tall. I have to fold the front down to keep it from covering his belly button so it doesn't get pee on it. I unfastened the tape and he let out a small cry. The stump must have stuck to the diaper fibers and came off. It looked nasty, but one less thing to wipe. Speaking of babies, Meredith is having another baby in February of next year.

I'm going to try to find a breast pump this week so I can get a bit more rest. Sleeplessness is making me moody and impatient, two things a newborn does not need in a mama.

Mama stuff

Today is my actual due date. I'm slowly adjusting to the New Mama gig, even though I'm running on barely any energy. Zac and I are trying to find balance with the Bud, taking turns with diapers and naps and such. It's hard since we aren't used to it, but I know we'll get a rhythm going. I can't believe I've got a family of my own now. Two dudes, both mine. And look at Jac's red hair! Aren't genetics fascinating? He's got dark blue eyes right now. I read that six months is when they'll have a set color. He's such a perfect little soul. It's a challenge, trying to be a mom under the roof of my own parents, but it's only temporary. One day at a time.

Family Visit

I am so, so, so, SO tired. I haven't had a full night's sleep in what feels like years. I'm light-headed and dizzy most of the time. My memory keeps cutting in and out, which leaves me glad to have this blog. My vitamins are helping.

Zac's Aunt Marie, came to visit us at my parents' house. She brought Zac's uncle, Frank (also called "Boo"), and two cousins, Jade and Francesca. They spent a few hours with us, offering advice on how to sleep more and techniques for getting Jac to have a schedule. Zac can't breastfeed, so I know he's sleeping better than I am, but he's helpful in other ways. There isn't anything quite like a middle-of-the-night diaper explosion when one is half-asleep, but he saves the day.

A bit of TMI for you: I'm dealing with an atrocious bladder infection from the catheter, my epidural injection site is swollen and bruised, my IV injection site is also swollen and bruised, my stitches are itching and burning like crazy, and my boobs feel like they've been put in a blender and my belly is so flabtastic and loose and it's absolutely disgusting. Ah, motherhood is glamorous. But Jac is such a good baby. He doesn't cry very much, but when he does, it's more of a squeaky baby dinosaur roar which can be soothed so easily. He's so cute and tiny and I just love him to pieces.

Mother's Day & Birth Story

My James Andrew is here!!

He was born May 14, 2006 at 12:08pm, weighing 6 pounds; 14 ounces, 20.5 inches long. Mama and Daddy are stoked to the brim and so in love with this squishy little face.

The birth story:

Zac and I were at my parents' for Mother's Day. I was having difficulty catching my breath last Saturday and started having horrible chest pains, like something was pushing on me. I figured it was just really bad indigestion from the nachos I ate at Ruby Tuesday's the day before. Well, that night, I was getting ready for bed and my chest started hurting again. I took some anti-acid medicine and laid down, but the pain would not go away, growing worse. Around 3am, I told Zac to check online for chest pains during pregnancy so I could find a remedy and he read we had to call a doctor right away. So I called my on-call doctor to tell him what was going on and he said to get the nearest emergency room ASAP. Of course I started freaking out, thinking about every morbid thing that could possibly happen.

Mom and Zac took me to the emergency room close to the house and I was hooked up to a drip in both arms, a heart monitor, and oxygen. I was told I had preeclampsia. I definitely had symptoms of it as I had high blood pressure, swollen ankles and feet, and headaches. I can't see how Dr. N didn't detect it sooner. Well, the emergency room we were at wasn't equipped to deliver babies, so I was transported by ambulance to a hospital in Jackson about 30 minutes away. The worst ride ever. I couldn't breathe, I was in pain, I was uncomfortable, I was scared. When I got to the UM Medical Center in Jackson, I was at four centimeters. The nurse broke my water, which felt like a weird relief. Then, the contractions started coming. They weren't horrible as depicted in the movies, but they were nauseatingly intense.

Around 5am, I was talked into an epidural. The anesthesiologist placed it too high on my back and hurt me enough to make me jump and basically fussed at me for flinching. I felt the anesthesia go through me like really cold blood. After it started working, I was able to sleep off an on for a few hours until I was fully dilated. I'm fairly certain I've got nerve damage in my back. It hurts to lean against  hard surfaces.

Around 11:30am, they told me to start pushing... because being on a muscle relaxer makes that easy. Zac was able to see the head and the nurse told me I could touch it. I felt around and discovered a slimy little baby head, full of hair.

I pushed until his head was crowning and they told me to stop (wtf) so Zac could change into scrubs and we could go to the birthing room. I was medicated with muscle relaxers to prevent seizures, so "holding" Bud in place proved impossible. The pressure was extreme and I wanted to push so bad, but had to wait. The nurses told me to keep panting, which I did, but suddenly the pressure was gone. I told the nurse, "Something happened!" When she came over to check, his whole head was out. So one more push and out popped my slippery baby boy with golden hair. I was so stunned to see him, I couldn't even cry.

The doctors cleaned him up and I was taken to another room to get stitched up. Apparently, I tore pretty bad and lost a lot of platelets, so my blood wasn't clotting like it was supposed to. I was being stitched for what felt like hours since they couldn't see where I was bleeding from. The doctors brought James to me so I could have a distraction while I was laying there. He was just so gorgeous with his little blue hat and tiny fingers and baby squeaks. I don't really remember much... I remember seeing a reflection of myself in the overhead light while being stitched up. There was a lot of blood.

Once I got back in the room, I finally held my Baby James. Zac helped me keep him in my arms as I was shaking from the epidural wearing off. I can't really explain what it was like to hold my very own child for the first time. It was so unreal, like I was in a dream. Being pregnant took some getting used to, but the baby part was just surreal. He is so much more beautiful than I had imagined. His tiny fingers and toes, a cute little mouth and squishy ears. And he looks like me, but has Zac's nose, for sure. I spent 24 hours in the birthing room under observation, then was moved to the recovery room. The doctors said to get plenty of rest, but I couldn't since I was hooked up to monitors, taking pills, having my blood pressure checked, and getting my blood drawn every few hours. Plus, I was breastfeeding, and Dad freaked me out about baby-snatchers, so I basically got zero rest.

I was given magnesium sulfate in a drip, which gave me double vision, dizziness, and watery eyes. The muscle relaxer made it impossible to walk on my own. I felt like Bambi when I tried to stand. Zac was amazing, helping me get to the toilet and take a bath. I had to have a supervised bath, which came in handy when my epidural spot started bleeding. I was told I could go home when my vision was back to normal and I could walk without assistance, so after the third day, my vision cleared up and Zac helped me get sturdy. He slow-danced with me to help me with my balance. He was just so incredible.

I'm doing okay since I've been home. I'm still bleeding a lot, my stitches are itchy and sore, and I can't stand for long without getting weak and dizzy. The struggles are temporary and totally worth it. I wouldn't give any of this up at all. I love knowing I've got this tiny little guy to love and snuggle. Zac has been so great, helping me with James, and helping me rest. I'm just lucky everything went well.

I had a doctor's appointment at 9am this morning for James to get him screened for bilirubin, but we weren't called in till 10, then had to wait 2 hours for his blood test to come back before we could come home. I hated seeing him get stuck with a needle. His cry broke my heart, so I started getting weepy. For now, Bud's asleep, so I'm going to see if I can take a quick nap. I'm just glad to be home.

38.5 Weeks

I spent the night at the hospital on Tuesday for observation. The nurses kept me hooked up to to machines and kept checking on me through the night, so I'm still trying to fight exhaustion. I was having intense contractions, but was told it was only "false labor". However, I've dilated to three centimeters, so Bud's getting closer to arriving. Dr. N was supposed to come meet with me at the hospital and let me know if we should induce or let things progress on their own, but he never showed up. For now, I just have to avoid caffeine, tampons, tub baths, and such.

Pregnancy Highlights:
How far along: 38.5 weeks.
Size of baby: The length of a leek!
Total weight gain/loss: Steady, staying around 45 pounds right now, thanks fluid.
Maternity clothes: Pajamas.
Gender: Boy.
Movement: Very much.
Sleep: Not as much as I want. Can't get comfortable and I've been having restless, cramping legs.
What I miss: My old body.
Cravings: Sleep and ice.
Symptoms: Cranky. Tired. Emotional.
Best moment this week: Dilating one more centimeter. Getting closer!

Bed Rest & Dilating, 36.5 weeks

I've been on bed rest for about a week now. My blood pressure is high and I'm retaining water like a camel. My ankles look like manatees. I'm irritable and emotional, getting upset over the littlest things. I've dilated, but no more than two centimeters. Bud's still in there, squirming around, keeping his feet tucked way up in my rib cage. I stayed in the hospital Monday night for observation, but there weren't any huge changes. I'm going back again next week for more observation.

Pregnancy Highlights:
How far along: 36.5 weeks.
Size of baby: The length of a head of romaine lettuce!
Total weight gain/loss: A lot, apparently. 40 pounds...
Maternity clothes: I haven't been wearing pants much lately, unless we leave the house. My belly is too uncomfortable.
Gender: Still a boy.
Movement: So much movement. Kicks, punches, and hiccups.
Sleep: Not so much. I'm uncomfortable.
What I miss: Sleep.
Cravings: Sleep, haha.
Symptoms: Uncomfortable. Heavy. Tired. Crabby. Fat. Difficulty bending over.
Best moment this week: One week closer to delivery! Less than 4 weeks to go.

Identity Theft and 34 Weeks

Zac and I went with my parents to New Orleans for Kylie's birthday party. My feet are killing me and I've got blisters from walking around in the worst shoes because of course. There was a nice employee at Hot Topic who offered me a bandaid. As we were leaving, Zac used the ATM to get some cash out for lunch, but we had a large negative number looking at us. He called the bank and discovered someone was using his debit card number to buy cell phone minutes and rare coins (what even). I have a suspicion it was someone at the fast food place we stopped at on our way to the city. She kept our card for a longer-than-normal amount of time before returning it to us. It'll take a few days, but everything should be okay.

I went to my OB appointment and discovered I've got high blood pressure, which explains why my limbs keeps swelling up. I don't know if it's from the stress of moving or just being huge, or anxiety of being a mother, but I've got to do something about it. The heat outside isn't helping, I'm sure. Humidity is the worst. I go back to see Dr. N on Thursday to get my blood pressure checked again and to get the Group B strep screen. If my results are positive, I'll have to be hospitalized for observation. If my blood pressure stays high or gets higher, or if I start cramping or get headaches that don't go away with pain-killers, I'll have to be induced to get Bud out ASAP. I've got six more weeks to go, more or less. I'm just ready for this all to be done and I'm ready to hold my little Bud and be a family. Meanwhile, I'm confined to bed rest.

Pregnancy Highlights:
How far along: 34 weeks.
Size of baby: A cantaloupe!
Total weight gain: Too much. Grr.
Maternity clothes: Pajamas.
Gender: Still a boy.
Movement: Oh yes.
Sleep: Not as much as I'd like, even though I'm usually super tired.
What I miss: Not being pregnant.
Cravings: Spicy and salty foods.
Symptoms: Tired, hip and back pain, occasional headaches.
Best moment this week: Bud is healthy and measuring on target. The end is so close, but so far.

The Belly

In high school, I struggled with my body image, so I haven't posted many belly pictures. It's something I've dealt with for years and right now, watching my body do things out of my control is scary and slightly traumatic. I'm reminding myself to think of Bud and not be selfish, but when you have a state of mind for so long, it's hard to change the perspective. I'm working on it. So, behold, a big baby belly.

Mom had an Easter lunch gathering for the family, so Zac and I made the trip to Mississippi to see everyone. Meredith gave me a ton of much-needed maternity clothes and some baby items. I can finally wear pants that button.