Christmas came up relatively quick this year. I dunno if it's from being cooped inside and our usual routine has been thrown out or what. It's a little bit nuts that last year, everything was normal, we were hugging our friends and exchanging gifts with family, and completely optimistic of 2020 and what it would bring. Buncha suckers.
Christmas Eve was not a good day. The kids were fighting, I was on the receiving end of large quantities of teenage backtalk and toddler tantrums that my emotions overflowed into my lap probably three times. I was overwhelmed with trying to make things feel "magical" while trying to avoid grief feelings and the whole day was shitty. I made chili, which was easy and quick and felt more comforting than struggling to peel boiled eggs. I also made Zac and myself stockings while he wrapped gifts. After a hot shower, my mood lifted slightly and I baked homemade gingerbread cookies. Mom came over and visited for a bit, the kids opened their stockings and their gifts from Jena, then had a few cookies before bed. It was a struggle getting them to actually get in the bed, as they weren't in the mood to listen. The boys went just fine, but the big two... I dunno. I was *this close* to cancelling Christmas.
Deep breaths.
Christmas resumed.
Alcohol helped.
This morning, we were abruptly (though expectedly) awoken by a small voice exclaiming, "OH. MY GLOB," followed by our five-year-old bounding into our room and onto our bed, saying, "Santa brought the presents into the house! They're under the tree! Come see them!" That kiddo brings his own magic to our family, for sure. Leah woke up shortly after, Zac made coffee, and I spent some time telling most of my contacts "Merry Christmas". It was freezing this morning to where the bucket of rain water was frozen over well past 2pm. It rained most of yesterday so the ground was sloshy and not snowy, much to our disappointment. I assume Santa heard "wet Christmas" when I asked for "white Christmas". Oh well, maybe next year. Everyone was happy with their gifts... mostly candy. I ate way too many sweets and felt restless for a bit, then had a nap around 7pm. Awesome. I think my favorite gift is my weighted blanket. Here's hoping my anxiety eases at night.
Anyway, Happy Holidays and hopefully next year is less isolated and full of hugs.
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