Webcam Pictures

Wow, so it's been about a month since I wrote in here. Motherhood is busybusybusy. But, by "busy", I mean I've been breastfeeding and sleeping while trying to eat in between and haven't felt like doing much else. I'm soaking up the snuggles while Jac is so little and can't protest. I love waking up by him, his milky breath and little hand tucked up by my chin.

Everything is peachy so far regarding my dudes. I can't believe my baby-man is already a little over a month old. When Jac is a little older, I'm going to start working, hopefully part-time. We're planning on going to school next year, then looking for our own place.

Jac: 3 weeks

Baby boy is 3 weeks old. He's been super snuggly and likes being rocked. He still nurses well and sleeps a bunch. We're co-sleeping (which my parents don't agree with) and I love knowing he's right there. I'm still very tired most of the time, but it's getting better. 

Church, Bud 2 weeks

I haven't been to church in probably four years, maybe less, but it's been a while. Matt is a pastor at the church near my parents' house in Mississippi. There was a Memorial Day service, so Meredith made a few shirts with logos for people of the church and invited us to come. She even put the logo on a onesie for Jac. I haven't had much sleep, so while we were waiting in line to enter the fellowship hall for junk food, I turned pale and nearly fainted. A woman named Elthabye helped escort me to a seat so I could sit and recover. It's embarrassing how weak I am right now. I know it's the blood loss and the preecalmpsia, but sheesh. I'm ready to be back to normal.

Bud's umbilical cord stump came off today. Gross. I was changing his diaper, but since he's so tiny, the newborn diapers are too tall. I have to fold the front down to keep it from covering his belly button so it doesn't get pee on it. I unfastened the tape and he let out a small cry. The stump must have stuck to the diaper fibers and came off. It looked nasty, but one less thing to wipe. Speaking of babies, Meredith is having another baby in February of next year.

I'm going to try to find a breast pump this week so I can get a bit more rest. Sleeplessness is making me moody and impatient, two things a newborn does not need in a mama.

Mama stuff

Today is my actual due date. I'm slowly adjusting to the New Mama gig, even though I'm running on barely any energy. Zac and I are trying to find balance with the Bud, taking turns with diapers and naps and such. It's hard since we aren't used to it, but I know we'll get a rhythm going. I can't believe I've got a family of my own now. Two dudes, both mine. And look at Jac's red hair! Aren't genetics fascinating? He's got dark blue eyes right now. I read that six months is when they'll have a set color. He's such a perfect little soul. It's a challenge, trying to be a mom under the roof of my own parents, but it's only temporary. One day at a time.

Family Visit

I am so, so, so, SO tired. I haven't had a full night's sleep in what feels like years. I'm light-headed and dizzy most of the time. My memory keeps cutting in and out, which leaves me glad to have this blog. My vitamins are helping.

Zac's Aunt Marie, came to visit us at my parents' house. She brought Zac's uncle, Frank (also called "Boo"), and two cousins, Jade and Francesca. They spent a few hours with us, offering advice on how to sleep more and techniques for getting Jac to have a schedule. Zac can't breastfeed, so I know he's sleeping better than I am, but he's helpful in other ways. There isn't anything quite like a middle-of-the-night diaper explosion when one is half-asleep, but he saves the day.

A bit of TMI for you: I'm dealing with an atrocious bladder infection from the catheter, my epidural injection site is swollen and bruised, my IV injection site is also swollen and bruised, my stitches are itching and burning like crazy, and my boobs feel like they've been put in a blender and my belly is so flabtastic and loose and it's absolutely disgusting. Ah, motherhood is glamorous. But Jac is such a good baby. He doesn't cry very much, but when he does, it's more of a squeaky baby dinosaur roar which can be soothed so easily. He's so cute and tiny and I just love him to pieces.

Mother's Day & Birth Story

My James Andrew is here!!

He was born May 14, 2006 at 12:08pm, weighing 6 pounds; 14 ounces, 20.5 inches long. Mama and Daddy are stoked to the brim and so in love with this squishy little face.

The birth story:

Zac and I were at my parents' for Mother's Day. I was having difficulty catching my breath last Saturday and started having horrible chest pains, like something was pushing on me. I figured it was just really bad indigestion from the nachos I ate at Ruby Tuesday's the day before. Well, that night, I was getting ready for bed and my chest started hurting again. I took some anti-acid medicine and laid down, but the pain would not go away, growing worse. Around 3am, I told Zac to check online for chest pains during pregnancy so I could find a remedy and he read we had to call a doctor right away. So I called my on-call doctor to tell him what was going on and he said to get the nearest emergency room ASAP. Of course I started freaking out, thinking about every morbid thing that could possibly happen.

Mom and Zac took me to the emergency room close to the house and I was hooked up to a drip in both arms, a heart monitor, and oxygen. I was told I had preeclampsia. I definitely had symptoms of it as I had high blood pressure, swollen ankles and feet, and headaches. I can't see how Dr. N didn't detect it sooner. Well, the emergency room we were at wasn't equipped to deliver babies, so I was transported by ambulance to a hospital in Jackson about 30 minutes away. The worst ride ever. I couldn't breathe, I was in pain, I was uncomfortable, I was scared. When I got to the UM Medical Center in Jackson, I was at four centimeters. The nurse broke my water, which felt like a weird relief. Then, the contractions started coming. They weren't horrible as depicted in the movies, but they were nauseatingly intense.

Around 5am, I was talked into an epidural. The anesthesiologist placed it too high on my back and hurt me enough to make me jump and basically fussed at me for flinching. I felt the anesthesia go through me like really cold blood. After it started working, I was able to sleep off an on for a few hours until I was fully dilated. I'm fairly certain I've got nerve damage in my back. It hurts to lean against  hard surfaces.

Around 11:30am, they told me to start pushing... because being on a muscle relaxer makes that easy. Zac was able to see the head and the nurse told me I could touch it. I felt around and discovered a slimy little baby head, full of hair.

I pushed until his head was crowning and they told me to stop (wtf) so Zac could change into scrubs and we could go to the birthing room. I was medicated with muscle relaxers to prevent seizures, so "holding" Bud in place proved impossible. The pressure was extreme and I wanted to push so bad, but had to wait. The nurses told me to keep panting, which I did, but suddenly the pressure was gone. I told the nurse, "Something happened!" When she came over to check, his whole head was out. So one more push and out popped my slippery baby boy with golden hair. I was so stunned to see him, I couldn't even cry.

The doctors cleaned him up and I was taken to another room to get stitched up. Apparently, I tore pretty bad and lost a lot of platelets, so my blood wasn't clotting like it was supposed to. I was being stitched for what felt like hours since they couldn't see where I was bleeding from. The doctors brought James to me so I could have a distraction while I was laying there. He was just so gorgeous with his little blue hat and tiny fingers and baby squeaks. I don't really remember much... I remember seeing a reflection of myself in the overhead light while being stitched up. There was a lot of blood.

Once I got back in the room, I finally held my Baby James. Zac helped me keep him in my arms as I was shaking from the epidural wearing off. I can't really explain what it was like to hold my very own child for the first time. It was so unreal, like I was in a dream. Being pregnant took some getting used to, but the baby part was just surreal. He is so much more beautiful than I had imagined. His tiny fingers and toes, a cute little mouth and squishy ears. And he looks like me, but has Zac's nose, for sure. I spent 24 hours in the birthing room under observation, then was moved to the recovery room. The doctors said to get plenty of rest, but I couldn't since I was hooked up to monitors, taking pills, having my blood pressure checked, and getting my blood drawn every few hours. Plus, I was breastfeeding, and Dad freaked me out about baby-snatchers, so I basically got zero rest.

I was given magnesium sulfate in a drip, which gave me double vision, dizziness, and watery eyes. The muscle relaxer made it impossible to walk on my own. I felt like Bambi when I tried to stand. Zac was amazing, helping me get to the toilet and take a bath. I had to have a supervised bath, which came in handy when my epidural spot started bleeding. I was told I could go home when my vision was back to normal and I could walk without assistance, so after the third day, my vision cleared up and Zac helped me get sturdy. He slow-danced with me to help me with my balance. He was just so incredible.

I'm doing okay since I've been home. I'm still bleeding a lot, my stitches are itchy and sore, and I can't stand for long without getting weak and dizzy. The struggles are temporary and totally worth it. I wouldn't give any of this up at all. I love knowing I've got this tiny little guy to love and snuggle. Zac has been so great, helping me with James, and helping me rest. I'm just lucky everything went well.

I had a doctor's appointment at 9am this morning for James to get him screened for bilirubin, but we weren't called in till 10, then had to wait 2 hours for his blood test to come back before we could come home. I hated seeing him get stuck with a needle. His cry broke my heart, so I started getting weepy. For now, Bud's asleep, so I'm going to see if I can take a quick nap. I'm just glad to be home.

38.5 Weeks

I spent the night at the hospital on Tuesday for observation. The nurses kept me hooked up to to machines and kept checking on me through the night, so I'm still trying to fight exhaustion. I was having intense contractions, but was told it was only "false labor". However, I've dilated to three centimeters, so Bud's getting closer to arriving. Dr. N was supposed to come meet with me at the hospital and let me know if we should induce or let things progress on their own, but he never showed up. For now, I just have to avoid caffeine, tampons, tub baths, and such.

Pregnancy Highlights:
How far along: 38.5 weeks.
Size of baby: The length of a leek!
Total weight gain/loss: Steady, staying around 45 pounds right now, thanks fluid.
Maternity clothes: Pajamas.
Gender: Boy.
Movement: Very much.
Sleep: Not as much as I want. Can't get comfortable and I've been having restless, cramping legs.
What I miss: My old body.
Cravings: Sleep and ice.
Symptoms: Cranky. Tired. Emotional.
Best moment this week: Dilating one more centimeter. Getting closer!

Bed Rest & Dilating, 36.5 weeks

I've been on bed rest for about a week now. My blood pressure is high and I'm retaining water like a camel. My ankles look like manatees. I'm irritable and emotional, getting upset over the littlest things. I've dilated, but no more than two centimeters. Bud's still in there, squirming around, keeping his feet tucked way up in my rib cage. I stayed in the hospital Monday night for observation, but there weren't any huge changes. I'm going back again next week for more observation.

Pregnancy Highlights:
How far along: 36.5 weeks.
Size of baby: The length of a head of romaine lettuce!
Total weight gain/loss: A lot, apparently. 40 pounds...
Maternity clothes: I haven't been wearing pants much lately, unless we leave the house. My belly is too uncomfortable.
Gender: Still a boy.
Movement: So much movement. Kicks, punches, and hiccups.
Sleep: Not so much. I'm uncomfortable.
What I miss: Sleep.
Cravings: Sleep, haha.
Symptoms: Uncomfortable. Heavy. Tired. Crabby. Fat. Difficulty bending over.
Best moment this week: One week closer to delivery! Less than 4 weeks to go.

Identity Theft and 34 Weeks

Zac and I went with my parents to New Orleans for Kylie's birthday party. My feet are killing me and I've got blisters from walking around in the worst shoes because of course. There was a nice employee at Hot Topic who offered me a bandaid. As we were leaving, Zac used the ATM to get some cash out for lunch, but we had a large negative number looking at us. He called the bank and discovered someone was using his debit card number to buy cell phone minutes and rare coins (what even). I have a suspicion it was someone at the fast food place we stopped at on our way to the city. She kept our card for a longer-than-normal amount of time before returning it to us. It'll take a few days, but everything should be okay.

I went to my OB appointment and discovered I've got high blood pressure, which explains why my limbs keeps swelling up. I don't know if it's from the stress of moving or just being huge, or anxiety of being a mother, but I've got to do something about it. The heat outside isn't helping, I'm sure. Humidity is the worst. I go back to see Dr. N on Thursday to get my blood pressure checked again and to get the Group B strep screen. If my results are positive, I'll have to be hospitalized for observation. If my blood pressure stays high or gets higher, or if I start cramping or get headaches that don't go away with pain-killers, I'll have to be induced to get Bud out ASAP. I've got six more weeks to go, more or less. I'm just ready for this all to be done and I'm ready to hold my little Bud and be a family. Meanwhile, I'm confined to bed rest.

Pregnancy Highlights:
How far along: 34 weeks.
Size of baby: A cantaloupe!
Total weight gain: Too much. Grr.
Maternity clothes: Pajamas.
Gender: Still a boy.
Movement: Oh yes.
Sleep: Not as much as I'd like, even though I'm usually super tired.
What I miss: Not being pregnant.
Cravings: Spicy and salty foods.
Symptoms: Tired, hip and back pain, occasional headaches.
Best moment this week: Bud is healthy and measuring on target. The end is so close, but so far.

The Belly

In high school, I struggled with my body image, so I haven't posted many belly pictures. It's something I've dealt with for years and right now, watching my body do things out of my control is scary and slightly traumatic. I'm reminding myself to think of Bud and not be selfish, but when you have a state of mind for so long, it's hard to change the perspective. I'm working on it. So, behold, a big baby belly.

Mom had an Easter lunch gathering for the family, so Zac and I made the trip to Mississippi to see everyone. Meredith gave me a ton of much-needed maternity clothes and some baby items. I can finally wear pants that button.

Sugar Rush

The glucose is IN.MY.VEINS... I can feel it like sludge as I type and I can't relax. My skin is crawling and my legs are restless. I want to purge so bad. Ugh.

Pregnancy Highlights:
How far along: 31.5 weeks.
Size of baby: A coconut! Jeez.
Total weight gain/loss: About 30 pounds?
Maternity clothes: Pajamas.
Gender: A baby boy.
Movement: Very much.
Sleep: Aside from the glucose testing, I'm sleeping alright.
What I miss: Sitting and standing more easily, being able to run, walking without having to sit... My waist.
Cravings: Chinese food.
Symptoms: I feel huge. I get tired easily, though I feel energetic. I waddle.
Best moment this week: Hearing Bud's heartbeat.

Glucose rant

Last week's doctor appointment was atrocious. I mean, I'm finally at the correct weight and Bud is healthy, so it wasn't too horrible. But I talked with Dr. N about whether or not I should have blood work done to check for gestational diabetes. I told him I wanted to wait on it until the next appointment. The very next day he calls and says I need to come in ASAP for the blood work. I asked the nurse if I should eat or not and the she said I could eat if I wanted to, that they weren't doing the glucose test. Zac and I woke up early, picked up a coffee, and made it to Dr. N's office a bit early. As it turns out, not only did they want to do blood work, but to do the glucose screening drink-test as well, which tests for sugar levels that determine whether or not I have gestational diabetes. I was completely surprised and even informed them that I had a coffee because I was told there would be no glucose test this morning. Guess what? They had me drink the stuff anyway, knowing that I had the coffee. My results came back (duh) HIGH, so they scheduled me for a second glucose test, as well as blood test. Oh. My. Freaking. LORD. I have to go back Saturday to do it all over again "the right way". I really am starting to hate Dr. N.

Liver me timbers

When I was little, my parents used to buy the family-sized deal of fried chicken from Popeye's. I think it was a Sunday tradition. One time, they ordered a side of chicken liver. Gross. I swore I would never try it. But then, Dad offered me a taste, disguised as "dark meat" and it was delicious, though I still felt weird eating it. I went zombie-mode on that chicken liver and never looked back. One year, when I was going to church, the youth-leader was making an order for Popeye's and I was the weirdo who wanted the livers. I found it amusing that nobody wanted to even try a tiny piece. My fat ass indulged with unbridled jubilation and I was "the girl who munched livers".

Earlier this week, I had a craving for chicken liver and convinced Zac that it was a life-or-death situation. I would turn myself inside out if I couldn't eat the livers. He reluctantly went out to make the purchase to soothe the beast Bud within. After consuming the much sought-after craving, followed by an enormous glass of Barq's Red Cream Soda, I ran right to the toilet and became a human volcano. I will never touch liver again (at least not any time soon). The same goes for Wendy's Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers.

Tonight, Zac brought me to a seafood restaurant for a late-Valentine's Day dinner. We usually do celebrations after the holidays to avoid the wait and to get the discounted seasonal things. The idea that gumbo would be tasty popped into my over-crowded brain. I made the order, but once it arrived and I smelled it, something churned and told me do not put it in my mouth. What did I do, you ask? I put it in my mouth. A few minutes later, I knew I'd be seeing that bite again. As I was hurrying to the bathroom, I bumped into a girl I used to go to church with. She chatted with me for a second with the "Hey, oh my god, it's been forever!" speech, while I struggled to be polite and nod, desperately trying to keep my food dynamite from detonating. I hope I wasn't rude when I excused myself quickly and rushed into the bathroom and threw everything up. My waitress copped an attitude with me when I asked for a To-Go box, but I was ready to get out of there and get home. This little Bud is making my food choices unpredictable.

23 Weeks

I went to my appointment yesterday and heard Bud's heartbeat. He's doing just fine, growing as he should. Unfortunately, I've gained about 10 more pounds in the past five weeks, so I'm on a "diet". I'm so aggravated that they keep changing things back and forth. My weight is fluctuating to the extremes and I don't know why, they don't know why, and I'm crumbling. My fingers are fat, my ankles are fat, and my face is fat. Fat, fat, fat. They keep telling me everything is normal. No high blood pressure, no diabetes, or anything along those lines. Just "weight gain". It's so confusing.

Pregnancy Highlights:
How far along: 23 weeks.
Size of baby: A papaya!
Total weight gain/loss: 20-25 pounds. Ugh.
Maternity clothes: My overalls and pajama pants.
Gender: Still a boy.
Movement: Very much lately. He even gets hiccups.
Sleep: This week, I've slept really well.
What I miss: Nothing still.
Cravings: Bean burritos from Taco Bell still. No onions.
Symptoms: Having to pee all the time.
Best moment this week: Eating a bean burrito and feeling full.

All the boxes

Wow, I haven't written in here in a while, huh? Sorry. I've been busy sorting through our things, packing junk into boxes and making trips with Zac to Hammond and back. Kenny is letting us move back into the house and we're trying to clean and get a nursery set up for our little Bud. I'm hoping this weekend will be our last trip so we can get settled. It's exhausting!

New Year's 2006

Happy New Year!

Zac and I went to my parents' last week to celebrate a late Christmas. Emily and Alex have moved in with them temporarily until they find their own apartment. We all went to Meredith's to see little Molly and pass her around. She fell asleep in my arms while I was giving her a bottle. She's so tiny and cute. I'm so ready to hold my own baby already.

Christmas 2005

Zac and I have the house to ourselves since Mawmaw in in Mexico for the holidays. We're pup-sitting Mac and Otis while she's away. Our Christmas was cozy. I didn't feel like riding in the car to visit my family, so we spent it together. We played WoW and had our own tiny Christmas dinner of canned vegetables and a rotisserie chicken and watched a few Christmas movies. I fell down in the shower this evening since my belly is throwing me off balance, but everything is okay. Bud wasn't moving for a little while, so Zac started yelling at him and he fluttered. There's no blood, so I'm not stressing. I'm annoyingly clumsy right now, even with a small belly. I've got bruises and scratches all over from bumping into all the things. We're going to stay up late and see how many times we can watch A Christmas Story while it runs its marathon on TV.

Happy Holidays, from us *clink*.

It's a...

BOY!
I had an ultrasound this afternoon. We are definitely having a baby boy! His growth was on target, heartbeat was strong. I could see his little skull and spine, hands and feet, etc. It was awesome! My perfect baby boy.

Pregnancy Highlights:

How far along: 18 weeks.

Size of baby: A bell pepper!

Total weight gain/loss: Gained about 15 pounds.

Maternity clothes: I live in my maternity overalls.

Gender: Boy!!

Movement: Yes, though it isn't very strong yet.

Sleep: Super tired with many naps, but random bouts of energy. Vivid dreams.

What I miss: Nothing right now.

Cravings: Taco Bell's bean burritos and ice. I want to crunch ice often.

Symptoms: Sore boobs, frequent trips to pee, super tired, not so nauseated anymore.

Best moment this week: Feeling him kick.

Auntie

Congrats to Meredith! She's the proud mama to Baby Molly.

Just One Little Thing...

I was sitting at the counter in Mawmaw's kitchen, sipping hot chocolate and daydreaming about Bud and baby names and sushi. Zac was letting Zoey outside to do her business, when he came back in and asked me to go outside with him to see how pretty the sky looked. I was hesitant to go outside because it's cold and Mawmaw's kitchen was warm and cozy. When we were dating, we were walking around the mall and he kept hinting that we go into B. Dalton, a bookstore. I kept telling him no, that we had to hurry and get home, yaddayaddayadda. Later, I found out he wanted to buy me a book I'd had my eye on for a while. I didn't want to disappoint him again, so, despite the freezing cold, I said, "Alright."

Sure enough, the moon was bright, the sky was cloudy and blue-grey. I was shivering, so Zac put his arm around me. We were just looking up at the sky at the moon when he asked, "Will you marry me?" Obviously, I said, "Of course!" and kissed him on the cheek. That's when he pulled out a little white box and said, "No, really, will you marry me?" Needless to say, I'm engaged! I think Bud could feel my excitement because I felt the tiniest of tiny flutters tonight while I was lying on the bed.

Home Date

I had an OB appointment Monday, but didn't get an ultrasound. I still don't know for sure if Bud is a boy or a girl. According to Dr. N, I'm healthy and gained a few more pounds. My tests were clear and Bud's growing on schedule with a strong heartbeat. I go back in three weeks for another check-up.

Zac surprised me with a home-date last night. He set us up with popcorn and hot chocolate and we watched an Ellen special on HBO. I love Ellen. I don't think we've laughed so much in a long time. Man, it's going to be so weird having a baby squished between us on the bed in a few months, but I'm looking forward to it.

Thanksgiving 2005

We made a trip to Mississippi to see my parents' new apartment and visit for Thanksgiving. After Hurricane Katrina, my parents had some damage to their Louisiana apartment. Since Carlton and Meredith live in Mississippi, Mom wanted to be closer to them, so they moved a while back. It's a cute place, nice and cozy with a fireplace. Mom cooked so much food. I've been gorging nibbling on fudge and watching old Bugs Bunny cartoons with Dad, Zac, and Emily. Carlton and Meredith and their families are arriving tomorrow.

Zac's Birthday

Happy Birthday to my sweetheart!

We were going to eat beignets at the train station but they were closed today. Instead, we snuggled up in bed and watched movies and napped.

I'm sorry this entry is so tiny. I've been feeling sick. If I had a laptop, I could write from my bed, but for now, I'll just struggle to update when I can.

13 week Ultrasound

I went to my OB appointment and saw my little Bud again on the monitor. Zac brought a video tape so we could record his/her first video. Dr. N thinks it's a boy, so I'm excited! It's still a little early to tell, but there's evidence of boy parts forming. I'm gaining weight a little fast, so I'm changing to a lighter diet. I swear, one week it's "Eat more!" the next it's "Eat less!" My body can't handle all the wishy-washy crap.
Oh, but isn't this little black-and-white creature just the cutest?

Pregnancy Highlights:

How far along: 13 weeks.

Size of baby: A lime!

Total weight gain/loss: It's getting up there.

Maternity clothes: A few. Two pairs of jeans and three shirts. My regular jeans are uncomfortable now.

Gender: Possible boy!

Movement: Nothing yet.

Sleep: Restless. I've been sleeping a lot, but not thoroughly and my dreams are weird.

What I miss: Piña colada daiquiris. 

Cravings: Mexican food and Chinese food. Salty stuff and Icees.

Symptoms: Bloated-looking, tired, occasional nausea, hungry more often, bigger boobs.

Best moment this week: Seeing Bud on the screen again.

Belly Buddies

Meredith and Matt are in town from Mississippi for a few days. Zac had to work, so they offered to pick me up and take me to lunch. It was nice visiting with them, as I don't see them often. Meredith and I have never been very close, but she's my big sister and we're pregnant together. She's at the end of her pregnancy while I'm at the beginning, but we're both becoming mothers.

Announcement

I read somewhere once that Olive Garden is a place where people tend to break news to others, whether it's good or bad. Got fired? Go to Olive Garden and let the spouse know. Someone died? Go to Olive Garden and eat your feelings. Pregnant? Go to Olive Garden and tell the family.

Today is Mawmaw's birthday. Zac's Aunt Janie and Uncle Dean treated all of us to dinner at Olive Garden. Christmas is approaching, so Aunt Janie asked Zac and me what we'd like. A nervous glance to each other, a hesitation, and a list of "baby stuff" came tumbling out like quarters in a casino jackpot. Things got weird quickly as the subject changed from congrats-on-the-bun to you-need-to-get-married. Zac and I are in no rush to pay for a wedding, especially since these same people didn't want us to get married last year when we wanted to elope to Vegas. Right now, we're just going to keep saving money. Once the baby comes, we'll think about marriage again.

Birthday

Zac took me out to dinner for my birthday. I feel like I'm not eating enough, even though I'm clearly eating more than enough. I've also been needing to walk around after eating anything lately, otherwise, I get horrible pains all over. So, we walked around the mall and hung out in the book store for a bit. Zac bought me a paperback copy of Interview With the Vampire (one of my favorite books) and we looked at a few engagement rings (eep!) before heading to Baskin Robin's for ice cream. All I want now is sleep. So much sleep on a cool pillow under clean sheets. Ah, bliss.

Halloween 2005

Halloween has been my absolute favorite holiday for as long as I can remember. Christmas is also nice, but Halloween is my favorite. I love the decorations, the crisp air, the autumn colors, the pumpkins, etc. I could seriously list every single aspect and it would take up this whole entry.

When I was little, I lived in New Orleans. I remember going Trick-or-Treating once with Meredith, Carlton, and Krystal. When we moved to Pearl River, my parents didn't want us Trick-or-Treating anymore. I blame the church we went to as the pastor was very fire-and-brimstone. I'm surprised we were able to decorate Christmas trees. When I grew older, I told myself if I ever had kids, I would take them Trick-or-Treating, as well as participate in all the other holidays.

Since I don't have a kid to take Trick-or-Treating (yet), Emily and Alex invited us to go watch Saw II at the movie theater... a waste of money, in my opinion. It was exactly like Saw. I don't get the hype around it. We were going to go back to their place after the movie, but the queasiness kicked in full-force, so we had to come home. I'm looking forward to the next trimester when the queasiness (hopefully) goes away.

Breaking News

Zac was sick last week, so now I'm sick this week. My throat hurts, so I can't eat much more than brothy soups and mushy crackers. Totally not what I want at all. In other news, autumn is in the air, so Zac and I are going to take Zoey for a walk and enjoy the colors and fresh air.

We told Mawmaw and Kenny about the baby coming. Mawmaw was indifferent (which we expected), but Kenny was happy for us. Mawmaw is just worried about us, I think. She wants Zac to get a better job so he can provide for us and so we can get our own place. We've got some money saved, but it's not enough to get our own place yet. 

Bud

I started bleeding yesterday afternoon. The nurse at the Pregnancy Crisis Center told me how common miscarriages are, to monitor myself for cramping, keep track of the blood color (red is bad, brown is good), and try to rest. I did as instructed and the bleeding eased up. However, this morning I woke up to bright red droplets, so Zac brought me to the emergency room. We waited about three hours, worrying about the worst. I tried to watch Seinfeld on the waiting room TV to distract myself, but I was worried. I was finally called back, poked with needles and stuffed with a catheter so the nurses could run tests. It was humiliating and painful and completely unnecessary, but what do I know, I'm just a "patient".
Finally, after what seemed like days, I was able to see my little Bud, floating around on the screen with tiny flipper-like hands and feet. The fluttering heartbeat was strong and steady. From the measurements, I'm eight weeks and three days pregnant, making Bud's due date May 23. I was told to take it easy and take my vitamins, but everything looks good. I'm just nervous. The bleeding went away this evening so I'm just going to take it one day at a time and hope I can meet him or her in May.

Bud-post

I went to the clinic and met my OBGYN, Dr. N. My height, weight, and blood was checked and I'm "surprisingly underweight" (???) I have to increase my calorie intake. I'm also slightly anemic. I can now indulge in all the pasta and Bourbon chicken I want to satisfy these salt cravings.

Pregnancy Highlights:
How far along: Maybe 9 weeks?
Size of baby: A grape!
Total weight gain: Not much.
Maternity Clothes: None yet. So far, nothing is too snug.
Gender: No idea.
Movement: None yet.
Sleep: A lot. Naps are my favorite.
What I miss: Wine.
Cravings: Salty food. Mainly Chinese chicken or egg rolls.
Symptoms: Tired, random nausea throughout the day, sensitive to certain smells (perfume, mostly).
Best moment this week: Reading the development of each week. Bud is growing so fast every week. It's just amazing.

An unexpected surprise & some TMI

When I was a teenager, I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). I was informed by more than one doctor that I wasn't able to ovulate on my own, which is why I was the only girl in my group of friends who didn't carry tampons in her handbag. Pregnancy was "unlikely" to ever happen to me, so I accepted that I would one day own a few small-breed mutts and call them my babies. Zac was on board, we high-fived, and that was that. However, just last night Zac and I were driving around, listening to music and enjoying the autumn air when for no reason at all I was overcome with nausea. I just wanted to go home and either throw up or die. We headed home and I tried to think of what could possibly be wrong with me all of a sudden: No fever, no upset stomach, just nausea that went away after eating a few crackers... and feeling a little larger in the bra region, and how tired I've been this week, and how sick to my stomach Mawmaw's Jumex Strawberry-Banana nectars (my favorite thing) made me feel. We went to Walmart and I reluctantly made the purchase of a two-count pregnancy test kit "just in case".

I waited about a minute, not expecting to see much more than a negative result, as I've seen a few times in the past. But, where there was supposed to be a "plus" symbol, it had a vertical line, not a horizontal, which didn't look like a negative nor positive. Thinking the test was faulty, I used the second one, but got the same vertical line. To make sure of what I was seeing, I called the 1-800 number on the box and the receptionist confirmed it. We are having a baby.

The calm

Home again, home again, jiggity jog.

I wasn't able to keep up with posting while we were evacuated. There were power-outages, boredom, naps, and exploring, so posting was pushed to the back burner. I guess I should also add that we didn't have access to a computer except maybe once or twice when we brought our computer tower to Zac's Aunt Donna's friend's house.

What you missed: Not too much, really. I'll shorthand it.

There was a lot of drama happening at Meredith's when we arrived. Meredith is a pastor's wife and has strong convictions about nontraditional relationships, i.e., sharing a bed while not married. Zac and I live together and are not married. When the tension started, Mawmaw called to tell Zac that his Aunt Donna had space for us, but we'd have to drive to Tennessee. I don't think we've ever left a location with as much speed as we did that day to head toward the mountains! However, Emily and Alex were stuck with Meredith and Matt, dealing with those convictions. Granny (my maternal grandma) picked Dad up from Hattiesburg and brought him to Meredith's house.

Tennessee was amazing. I told Zac we need to consider moving there, maybe before we have kids. The weather was absolutely beautiful. We stayed with Donna for a few weeks, looking for work and exploring. Zac's cousin, Christina, and her family were staying with Donna as well. I learned a little of Zac when he was young, like how he used to play with Barbies.

We've been back at Mawmaw's for about a week. Her house is fine, no damage. The yard flooded a bit, though. There are muddy crawfish houses scattered all over the lot, along with broken branches and puddles. We don't have cable, but I don't mind. I've been drawing and haven't been feeling like myself. Also, Pac Sun hired someone else for full-time while we were out of state, so I've got to look for myself a new job. Oh well.

Pouring misery down.

Right now in the south, there's a hurricane happening. Hurricane Katrina is basically intent on destroying much of New Orleans and some surrounding areas. Zac and I evacuated per mandatory orders and spent eight hours (instead of the usual three) in the car with Amber, Zoey, and Mawmaw's dog, Otis. Otis had a puppy panic attack when we reached Meredith's. Everything is chaotic right now. I'm only able to use the computer for a little while as the power may go out.

Dad is in Hattiesburg, which is about two hours from here. He just had his gallbladder removed and was in the midst of recovering when they had to transfer him to a safer hospital. Mom is freaking out, everyone is fighting, and nobody knows what to do or what is going on. Send happy thoughts our way, please.

Garbage

My all-time favorite band in the universe is Garbage. I've adored Shirley Manson since I was a teenager and first heard "Only Happy When It Rains". She and her music helped pull me from personal darkness when everything was black and getting blacker. Needless to say, I wasn't able to go to the concert on the 13th. I had an opportunity, but it was not an offer I was willing to accept. There will be a next time, I'm sure. To cope, I decided to get my hair chopped off and babysit Abbi and Payton this week until they go back to Mississippi. It's been fun. Abbi is a sweetie pie and Payton has been such a good baby.

Grasshopper!

Sorry for the silence. I haven't had much to write about for a while. Something I guess is blog-worthy: Zac and I were visiting my parents and they took us out to get snoballs. I was sitting in the backseat with Zac, talking about I-can't-remember-what, when suddenly, a giant freaking grasshopper landed on my head. It was horrible! I screamed and practically leaped into Zac's lap. I do not like insects. It was at least three inches long. Gross! But, the snoball was good. I usually get strawberry shortcake with condensed milk... or wedding cake with condensed milk.

A Change

Zac's grandma, whom we call Mawmaw, invited us to come live with her temporarily so we could work and save our money. I've got a part-time position with Pac Sun, which may become full-time after the 90-day trial. I like the job so far. The clothes are my style and I am supposed to wear the shirts as a form of advertisement. Since I work in the mall, I get a discount on Chik-fil-A sweet tea and can sit in the food court or the book store during breaks. I was sad to leave the house in Hammond, but there aren't many work opportunities there. Kenny said we're welcome to move back at any time. Until then, we're going to save money and stay in Zac's old bedroom with our dog, Zoey, and my cat, Amber.