C Spire

We won the costume contest at C Spire again. I don't know why other people don't dress up, but I'm not complaining. Last year we won a gift card to Burgers and Blues and this year it was to Starbucks. I've got us on a super tight budget right now in order to save for a trip to New York in the spring, so I was having a hard time figuring out costumes. Most are about $30-$50 each and it's ridiculous to pay that much for something one would only wear once (think wedding dresses). So I went a frugal route and picked DIY Bob's Burgers, only opposite sex since boys outnumber girls in our family. I spent a total of maybe $50 for the shirts, ears, mustache, and aprons, plus yarn for Cole's burger costume that I made myself.

It's raining

It's been a rough week and it's only Tuesday.

First of all, it's pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. I've got two candles for two babies that aren't here. I find it mildly symbolic that this day is in October as I had my first loss in October while the second was due in October.

As I've previously mentioned, Sunday started off the week with Elias breaking his leg. Zac took off Monday morning to sit with the kids while I brought Elias to the bone doctor, but couldn't get an appointment until 2pm. So Zac went on to work and was home early so I could leave. Leah tagged along for I dunno what reason. I guess she was bored or something. After a few long hours, Elias was fitted for a bright red cast and we were discharged. Upon leaving, Leah started complaining about her ear hurting and spiked a fever. I gave her some medicine and got Elias situated, then headed out to a line-reading for a play I'm going to be in this December, thanks to Andrea for the part (more on that in a minute). I got home from the reading and Leah's fever was higher, she was crying (but she's dramatic, so crying happens over everything) and dizzy, so I said fuck it and brought her to the ER last night. After a brief exam, I learned she's got strep throat. A shoutout to the asshole who brought their infected kid to church Wednesday night because I'm 100% positive that's where she got it. She started crying after she took a dissolvable Zofran, then took forever to drink the ibuprofen, then started freaking out with another medicine because it was slimy and made her mouth numb. I told the nurse to pray for me, signed the discharge papers and we headed home. She went on to bed and I was finally able to just sit for a minute and recharge.

This morning, I left Jac with the younger kids and dropped Leah's prescriptions off, then headed to the grocery in the rain for Sprite and potatoes. I was a bit stressed, so I forgot to get more Ibuprofen and probiotic yogurt, but luckily Zac's break was coming up so he swung by the store and grabbed all that for me. Leah's been medicated for the day and I'm doing my best to keep that stubborn child fed and hydrated, but she doesn't want to eat, doesn't' want to drink or take medicine or rest, so I've about decided to put her outside. I won't, but I might. 

My line-reading went great. I'm playing the part of Bridget, who is a housekeeper for a lonely, wealthy man. He wants to rent a Christmas for the holidays. The play is cute and has a Hallmark movie vibe, but I'm excited to be doing something just for me. I'm going to tell Andrea to keep me in mind for upcoming plays, especially if she decides to direct Young Frankenstein. I have another reading tonight and I'm looking forward to it. We started attending a church group on Tuesday nights, but with the kids sick, I'm doing the reading instead while Zac takes care of the kids. I don't think we're going to church Wednesday either, especially if it's still raining since Elias' cast can't get wet. I honestly don't want to be that asshole who brings the sick kids, so when Leah's better and her antibiotic is finished, then we'll go.

I need more coffee and have a kitchen to clean, laundry to fold, and whatever else to do. Jac is helping a bunch by keeping Cole occupied for me so I can get shit done. Adieu.

13 is Lucky

My favorite husband and I have been married a whopping THIRTEEN years! Our (what we call) golden anniversary that honestly doesn't feel like that long ago we said our vows. We had a nice weekend together and got a little more holiday shopping done (mostly for me because everyone but the little boys are done). I'm feeling a little giddy about Christmas and less giddy about Halloween, even though I very much love Halloween. Maybe I just want to wrap the gifts and such. Who knows? Let me back up a bit...

Saturday we went to the outlet mall to walk around because the temperature was actually cold enough for sweaters. FINALLY! I know it's not going to last very long, but this week of chill has been divine. I just want to stay outside and hold a warm mug of anything and inhale the neighbor's chimney smoke from a distance. Now, about Halloween. Many times, I've tried to theme my family for costume ideas. Only once did it workout where we were Jack and Sally with Lock, Shock, and Barrel. I've tried to dress us as the Addams family or Mario Bros, but the kids are rarely interested. This year, we're hoping to participate in the C-Spire costume contest again as *drum roll* Bob's Burgers. The twist is we'll be the opposite gender. So, I'm going to be Bob, Zac will be Linda, Jac will be Tina, Leah will be Gene, Elias will be Louise, and Cole will be a burger or wear a onesie with a burger on it. I spent about $30 for all our shirts, a mustache, and two aprons. Meanwhile every costume in the state is like $40 each, so technically I scored. I brought Leah with me to look for a Louise hat and pick up a few groceries, but didn't have luck with the burger costume or the hat.

Sunday, today, is my 13th anniversary. We woke up surprisingly on time and made it to church. I had to be in the nursery during the service and honestly only enjoyed it because I could hold my baby bear for the duration. He was super snuggly, too. After church, Zac made some beans and rice while the kids played outside on the trampoline. Jac eventually came in and played with Cole while Leah jumped on the trampoline with Elias. After a few minutes, I heard Elias start shouting. Normally, shouting happens when they're playing so I didn't jump up right away. Then, it sounded like crying, but not regular crying. It was very different. So I hurried out there and he was inconsolable. After looking him over, he said his right leg hurt. He couldn't stand on it and didn't want me to touch it. It wasn't swelling or anything, but I decided to be safe and take him to the ER while Zac kept the other three. I signed us in, sat in the waiting area for a few minutes, then headed back to the exam room. Elias' leg was moved around a bit and he answered their questions about falling on his leg after being bounced too high. He was super brave and helpful. An X-ray was done and the image came back inconclusive, but there was a shadow in the area where he was most sensitive. They were going to give him a CT scan, but decided to put him in a splint and told us to go to the other hospital that specializes in pediatric emergencies. My poor Elias is in a splint from his toes to his hip on his right side. He's been very cooperative and calm aside from getting upset during a flare of pain. He just wanted to watch Monsters Inc and go to bed. I've gotta get up early tomorrow morning to bring him to the evaluation. I'm positive it's broken, even though the X-ray wasn't definite. He can't stand and when Zac and I took him to use the potty, he was screaming in pain. Zac's going to stay home with the other kids until I get home so I don't have to take them all with me. It's been quite the day.

Park

Yesterday, Zac let me sleep in a bit late. It was something of a rough weekend. Cole was up til 1am Saturday morning, then Elias woke up with a wet bed at 4am. I spent the rest of the night trying to get Cole back to sleep with off-and-on nursing sessions and him biting me (hard) over and over again, then crying because I said "Ow!". Apparently, I'm not supposed to yell. So, Zac didn't wake me after he took Cole to the kitchen and I slept til 11am. We had a leisure morning. Zac made breakfast and we went to the library and the grocery. It felt like a lazy morning, but maybe too lazy? I got restless and decided to rearrange the den, clean the kitchen, and fold some clothes. Midway through folding laundry, I felt sleepy, so I reheated that morning's coffee. Needless to say, once the kids were tucked in and Cole was in his bassinet, I could not sleep. Around 4am Sunday morning, I finally dozed off. Then Zac's alarm went off at 7 and Elias came in our room to use the toilet, then Cole woke up to Elias slamming the door behind him and, well, it wasn't fun. We skipped church and I made pancakes (from scratch!), then we went to Best Buy to order a new refrigerator because we desperately need an ice-maker and water filter. While Zac did that, I took the kids next door to PetSmart to look at critters, then went to Target to look at Halloween costumes. They're considering being junk foods.

We picked up a pizza for lunch and headed to the park for a little while until we realized that even though it's October, it's still the south and super hot, so we went back home. Elias fell asleep in my lap while we watched The Witches, then I fell asleep rocking him, so I had to rush to get dinner ready (spinach artichoke lasagna, which was pretty good). And now, I'm hanging out in my room with a sleepy baby bear while Zac is in the shower and Leah is reading to Elias and Jac is loading the dishwasher. Hashtag blessed, y'all.

Anyhoo, here are some pics from the park.

Checkups and Cake

I slept in the other day when Cole was due for his 9 month checkup. Luckily, it was rescheduled quickly, so we went today. I even got Leah's shot record straightened out. Cole had his finger pricked to check his iron, but he's healthy, no anemia. He goes back in December.

 

The middles had Awana at church tonight, so I dropped them off. When I went back to get them, Mrs. Rita was cutting up some bundt cakes, so Leah grabbed me a slice and I kid you not, it was like biting into every happy thought I'd ever had. I learned the cake was picked up from Nothing Bundt Cakes and OMG, I just want a carrot cake from there. Now I know what I want for my birthday.

Witchy Traditions

October is finally here! So close to cooler weather and more pumpkins (as if I don't have enough already) and orange everywhere.

The Wicked Witch dropped off the October treats, though more like tricks because the sugar cookies tasted like stale biscuits.

Cole: 10 months

Baby bear is 10 months old! I woke up this morning and was brushing my teeth when it occurred to me that I've got two months left before we leave the baby stage behind us for the last time. Doesn't that sound so sad? It kind of is, though. But, I'm not sad enough to have another, haha.

He has two teeth! This week he started learning how to coordinate his sounds, saying "bleh", which is funny. He loves to grab noses and glasses, hair, cups, anything within range of those little hands. He can sort of give super slobbery kisses and tiny high fives. Baby food is officially happening and he is eating a whole jar twice a day. I've started packing the applesauce pouches for on-the-go because they're super easy to distribute onto a spoon. He also loves yogurt and prefers oatmeal over rice (I don't blame him). Lately he's been entertaining himself in his playpen for longer amounts of time. He's also been "walking" around the perimeter of the playpen. Baths get him so excited. He especially loves splashing Elias when they're in the tub together. His hair is getting longer (and fuzzy!) in the back and I'm thinking he'll be a strawberry blonde with hazel eyes.

We went to the carwash this afternoon, which was fun in a sarcastic sort of way. Right now, we've got lovebugs galore and they're all over the place. Zac had to scrub them off the front of the van before we could go through the wash, but the van looks nice. We also spent about 30 minutes cleaning all the rugs and vacuuming it out. It's so fresh and so clean clean.

School Begins

It's the first day of Autumn! Leaves have started changing colors and falling, but it's still super hot outside. No sweaters yet.

The kiddos have started school. Jac is in 8th grade, Leah in 5th, and Elias is between Pre-K and Kindergarten. He isn't exactly motivated for learning, though I'm definitely going to teach him the basics of letters and sounds. They're growing so much, but I'm actually excited to teach Algebra this year. I want to go back to school next year and this will surely help me grasp math.

Cspire - September

Kyle is spending the weekend with us for C-Spire. There was a Tekken 3 mystery tournament, which I didn't participate in. I was good at Tekken 2. Emily and I used to play that together. This time, Cole slept most of the time and the kids played Smash Bros. I played around on my laptop with World of Warcraft: Classic while Zac and Kyle played Dungeons and Dragons. It was a lazy day. We even got to bring home some extra pizzas. I did get peed on, though. Elias had two accidents and I only had two extra underwear. On our way home, Zac dropped me off at Walmart to get some pants for Elias and yarn for a blanket I'm planning and it was so hard to find anything in the kid section. I did just a bit of Christmas shopping and was so aggravated with the employee on her phone while on the clock and the mess of the store that I just grabbed a pair of too-big pants accidentally, and headed out. But hey, a pair of pants he can wear for the next two years.

A year later

It's been a year since my dad died. A whole year. The firsts-without him didn't feel as difficult to get through as they did with Emily, but his death wasn't unpredictable or sudden without time to attempt to emotionally prepare. There have been hard days, though. Going to see the Backstreet Boys brought back some memories. The Boys came to New Orleans back in November of 1999. Back then, we had a Ticketmaster inside the Maison Blanche department store of the mall because you couldn't just hop online to buy tickets as easily as today. The day before the tickets went on sale, there was a line of giddy fans wrapping around the corner of the building from the store entrance, past Maison Blanche, all the way to Sears at the end before it cornered again. Dad got lucky and nabbed a spot right near the entrance. During the era of tangible tickets, people would camp out, hoping to get to the front of the line first for the best seats as they were first-come, first-pick. Dad managed to get five in a row for Mom, Emily, Daina, Jena, and me, but not as close as we wanted. At that time, I didn't care. I was going to see the Backstreet Boys! Daina and Jena spent the night that weekend and we decided to take white shoe polish to decorate Dad's big van he used as a vanpool. I had just turned 16 and was so crazy for Nick Carter. We made Dad listen to the Millennium album on our way to New Orleans while we sang very loudly from the back seat. He dropped us off and parked nearby to wait out the duration of the concert before picking us up again. He did it all again the following February when they came back for a "second leg" tour.

I liked doing things with Dad. Some days, he'd take me to work with him. I'd go to bed early and wake up at 5am. He always let me sit up front. I still get those memories when Zac drives us to New Orleans. There wasn't much to do in Dad's office except become proficient in Solitaire. On his lunch break, we'd go to the cafeteria and eat together or we'd take a walk to the Riverwalk and watch the ferries. Neither one of us talked much, but it was just nice being in his company. He brought me squirrel hunting a few times, until I watched him clean one and decided not to go anymore. And I always went with him when he needed to fill up the gas tanks because he let me pick out candy. The lick-a-sticks were my favorite, though nowadays the idea of eating that much sugar makes me cringe.

I miss my dad all the time. I miss his random phone calls where he'd repeat himself and tell a goofy joke, or he'd ask how I'm doing and let me talk to him. He was always proud of me and told me so often. I'm just going to try to continue making him proud.

Hilda's baby shower

Zac and I made a 2.5 hour drive to Louisiana to see my friend, Hilda, and attend her baby shower. I haven't seen Hilda since I was pregnant with Jac or maybe sooner. It's been a very long time. We used to go to church together when I lived in Slidell. Hilda lost her first baby, Miracle, back in 2012 to anencephaly. She also has a little boy named Danny, who's around Elias' age, and baby Olivia is due in just a few short weeks. The shower was so sweet, everything in pink and gold. Whoever made the cupcakes must've used magic because they were the best cupcakes I've ever had. And Katie came with Spencer, too! I haven't seen Katie for a few months so we were able to grab coffee prior to the shower and hang out for a little while.

Mattress and weight

My current mattress on my bed is a queen-size (on a full-size frame) and it arrived to our first apartment exactly one month before Leah made her debut in 2009. Prior to this bed, we were sharing an air mattress and my very pregnant self was most uncomfortable. During my pregnancy with Cole, I started having back pains that weren't related to the pregnancy, but to feeling springs in my mattress. I woke up sore every morning, only feeling slight relief from sleeping on the sofa or a hotel bed. My pain progressed, giving me anxiety in thinking my kidneys were infected or my gall-bladder was exploding, etc. So, Mom offered to purchase us a new mattress. I met her at Mattress Firm, picked out a firm, full-size, supportive memory foam cloud of comfortable relief and it should be delivered next week. I am beyond excited.

In other news, I started eating better and trying to work out in early July. My goal was to lose 20 pounds by September. Well, for most of July, I did low-impact cardio since my knee is bothered with jumping or running. I was 152 pounds. The heaviest I've ever been without being pregnant. By August, I was 145 pounds. We're now in September and I'm 140 pounds. I haven't worked out since August because of my aforementioned body pains and as much as working out might help my body feel better, it's hard to get it to that point because of the constant soreness. I'm also drinking a ton of water, which I haven't really done in a long time. I'm hoping to be at least 135 or less by November. I imagine if I had been working out this whole time, I'd be at 135 now and not a few weeks from now.

I go to the dentist in about two weeks and need to tell them my crown is bugging the shit out of me. I can't bite down on that side without it feeling like a bruise. However, I can chew soft things and there's no pain otherwise and I don't feel anything that would suggest a crack. I'm thinking my alignment is off or the bite is wrong. Hopefully they can fix it. 

Stress

Last week, Elias was vaccinated and Dr. Y was about to administer some vaccines to Leah because according to her chart, she wasn't up to date. We've moved back and forth between Louisiana and Mississippi over the past 13 years, though have been here in Mississippi for a consecutive four years. Luckily, Dr. Y discovered she was up to date and wasn't due for more vaccines until next year. This provoked me to call our past pediatricians to find tangible copies of ALL the shot records of Jac and Leah. Oh, and the nurse marked on Leah's chart that she DID get vaccinated, so I need to go back there and have them print a new one. I called the clinic in Louisiana, so they mailed me the records for Jac and Leah, then contacted the Brandon clinic and picked those up. I spent some time on the floor of my bedroom organizing all the vaccines and dates they were given and discovered that, yes, they are all up to date. I'm going to bring the forms to Dr. Y next week and get them organized in the system so the mix-ups can stop.

Emily's birthday was yesterday. I didn't want to post about it on social media, but I also don't want her to be forgotten, so I posted a pic on Instagram. She'd have turned 34, probably baking her own strawberry cake with strawberry frosting, only the worst flavor ever. She was always the most silly when she was in the kitchen. On one of her birthdays, she smeared a glob of strawberry frosting across her gums and kept trying to kiss me. We were running around the kitchen island, laughing. She was shouting in a high-pitched croaky voice, "Have you got a kiss for granny?" and drooling. It was just so funny and stupid. We even tried to bake a pumpkin pie together once. We followed the recipe exactly so and it was so jiggly and sloshy, we couldn't eat it. We laughed at that, too. She was never afraid to be herself or say what she was thinking. It could be good or bad thoughts, but you'd know exactly how she felt about anything. She didn't sugar coat her honesty. If you got your feelings hurt, she would shrug and say "you asked." I miss her like crazy.

I had talked with Anna earlier last week about picking up a desk she had for sale. It's perfect for holding all the homeschool books and it's super sturdy. When Zac got home from work, he brought the three older kids to the library to eat pizza and learn about service dogs. They were able to meet-and-greet one named Gunny, though I was told Elias wasn't having the best time and just wanted to play on the floor. Meanwhile, I brought Cole with me to Meridian to sit with Anna and have tea before carrying the very bulky and heavy desk down the stairs and to the van. I like talking to Anna. She has the familiarity of Emily and we could talk about grief and family without it getting weird. It was nice driving somewhat alone, too. Cole slept the whole way there and the whole way back. I could listen to Spice Girls without interruption and I still know all the lyrics. I had never heard the entire Forever album, so that was fun. I even made it home before 11pm.

Dr. Visits

The three bigger kids had their annual checkup this morning and they're growing nicely. Jac is 5'2'' and weighs 105 pounds, which is crazy because wasn't he just a baby like yesterday?? And he's moved up to the average percentile. He's normally in the lower category because he's short like Zac. Leah is 4'2'' and 76 pounds, making her about average. My little Elias is 3'3'' and 36 pounds, putting him in the petite zone like Jac was. The only one needing vaccines was Elias and he was such a trooper. He barely cried and was over it. All three got some gummy snacks and we headed home.

My debit card expired in August. I ordered one of those customized ones, but the image I chose was declined, so they were just going to send a regular replacement. Apparently, they shipped it, but I never received it. I was able to use it throughout August, but this month, while in the checkout at Walmart, it was declined. I had to figure out how to get a new card by guessing because the site is most non-helpful (we're actually considering switching banks because of this, as well as having to pay a fee when we use money from our savings) and accidentally activated a card. I'm assuming it was the one they claim they sent. Soooo I cancelled it and they're supposed to ship me a new one. So frustrating. Now we play the waiting game.